Last I knew once more I have ended up in the middle of people who take race to be a handicap. I would not trade my life, as you know, by becoming a racist before. Just not going to happen. I have to be able to justify my existence. How I have done so is one trait I have in abundance, rage at injustice. This is why I could never be a criminal, or a murderer. In war, there is a time to kill.4
You have asked me to lead armies I would destroy, as you have now discovered. Does this mean I was protecting the government.... yes, I was protecting continuity, which I feared losing. Chaos, as those who experienced in during Operation Bluebeam, is a horror. No place to raise a family. I believe in family more than I ever have. I can see the difference between people who tried to help their kids have a future, I think, and those like mine who never even brought it up.
I am too old to want anything to change in my past. Trust God too much and have lain on those coals and felt that searing pain for years.
Orange becoming racist is my last straw, for now... made me stumble, at least. When I see how this reflects on everything I have tried to say and done, I am sickened. I wish I could say I led them to this, but I am not vengeful, God is, evidently. Use me and die. How many of you have had this happen? You delight in the ways of the world so much you allow a child rapist to lead you. A bunch of them. The rich live differently than you, hidden behind their gates. Some. I do not EVER EVER EVER want to set off a kill again. Do not take that from this. I want them taxed.
The money they have has to go better places for awhile. That is why I wanted something to show you shit but I would not accept a dime now, unless you found me real work. Yeah you owe a lot of people restitution for many things, but I am last in line... far, far behind native americans and blacks and a lot of people.
I am not grateful for that. I was pissed at you people for stealing my life. You laugh and think We Do So Much Worse To So Many. I know you fucking do, and why you protect me I guess I understand. Religious. The Holy Man. At a low point at the moment. Though life is very, very, very short. My pets taught me this, for damn sure.
The immortality I have discovered does not diminish life one bit. I am no Buddhist living ftp die. I will continue trying to save this world. You can laugh if you want. I will not laugh last, but I will wish I had a tear for ya.
