The watched one, caged in Chicago, hated by people for reasons I sometimes understand, and other times am pissed as all hell when I see your lies. People came to me for a revolution, but I had no clue who you were, let alone your beliefs. I was writing for a future, against this huge entity that was fucking with me and I sure as hell was going to fight back.
I wanted you to feel my pain, at times. Mostly I was trying to figure out what you were doing. I did think somehow that since all these people were making money off of me, that the way the world worked I should have been paid. I began having the cringe, take no money feeling actually for awhile. This could merely be me accepting my fate, but I sure as hell never got into this shit for money. YOU ALL KNOW THAT. You will try to change history. I am done pretending you can reform, I see what you are. That does not mean I think chaos in the streets is going to do us better.
I have been slandered over and over.... they told me they would make me the scapegoat, and they certainly tried with the movie, hit my hot buttons. All ignoring the fact you were going to ALLOW THE SLAUGHTER OF BLACKS on some huge level, because legislation would get passed, or that is just the way things are so you go along with it? A racist would not do the things I have done. Look at Trump's life, then look at mine. Broke at 18 I was taken in by an aa house in Dallas and lived with mostly black men in a dormitory. Those who could paid. These peoples kindness was astounding. A one armed man took me all over the city, showing me the best soup kitchens, and how to survive if things got real rough. Charming man. All of these memories would be betrayed forever.... along with the woman, in her sixties, who yelled at the woman who was about to stab me to death in a taxi.... she lived in a housing project. These are the people who in my mind represent real people who whether they are with me or not, I act as though they were.
I am not the expert on racism, and in my mind I am sure I could dig out more with the proper work... but too many black friends over the years for me to stereotype skin tone. I see it all the time in Chicago and can still remember being surprised by racism. I was not around blacks growing up as a kid, and there was no racial shit in the early eighties when I lived in a large, poor, black neighborhood in Dallas. Now Musk the out right racist is getting 30 billion but I am the bad guy...
There are times I want to give up on this planet, withdraw into myself. I would still need to write and that is never private anymore.
I used orange as a color for a movement that was pro-environment. Then I said some bullshit while alone in my apartment, expecting nothing, then it started. I wanted to achieve something. I tried to stop slavery, tax the rich in a Robin Hood way, problem is only the hoods showed up. Robin was in jail and was in no shape to lead a movement, when I was going in and out of psych wards. That was not some ploy, this was me reacting to being brainwashed and drugged, and a group of fascists at Fox and around who have been planning to use ne for sometime. They took the CIA by surprise.
They were going to take the government. When I could not get any help, and did not have any idea who to approach for a truthful assessment -- though I was unsure I wanted to know more when I heard there was blood, I wanted to distance myself. Later, then I heard people lived underground, were told how to dress, and all the excesses of people given too much power. I made statements for effect, to tell you to quit beating up gay people, called them angels. I was in some crazy Jesus mode. If I have given this any thought at all, let alone where it could lead.... I do not believe that angels are in human form, or necessarily that they exist on this plane at all.
In the unseen there may be nearly infinite choirs of angels singing now dramatically, as after the long birth of life on the planet begins to end, and the soul trap no longer able to keep people in Karmic cycles. I know only when God shows me the difference between the planets on one side, and pure experience, darkness, where there is no temptation, and existence is .... wonderful. I go there and want nothing except the presence of God. On the other side of undulating line are the bright suns, flowing off into infinity.. all of them filled with wants. When I am with God, I have to turn away from all the lights filled with temptations to my senses, I want nothing and am at peace.
The Orange. By adding a criminal element I destroyed the environmental roots, etc. Finding out they are racist and none of the famous black people who supposedly were on my side on the press were.
I always think of the Bishop being angry in a way, on Democracy Now, twice, where he acted confrontive toward me. As he should have, knowing evidently Orange, being racist, had set this up. I was not aware of how any of this could have anything to do with me. Now I see this as a metaphor for all the people who must have been harmed by orange. No one, especially blacks, can be left out of the conversation. Poor people matter. Just because the system is rigged for those who already have money and position, does not mean we have any legal alternatives.
My first response to finding out Orange was racist was to say, "See, I can't have had anything to do with that, I am not racist. You should have known I was not behind it if they did that." This is just the way it is.
Right now I have to just trudge on, and continue what I am doing... whatever the hell that is? I try to think of books and short stories but they go violent and I have to stop. Every story I think about telling draws drama from the action, not getting inside a characters head. I used to never use violence. Then a long time ago I did in comedy, then in my Waking Up Jesus book. Now, no... I do not want to see violence.
I also, while I am on the topic, keep seeing Mayor Johnson looked over as the first Democratic Socialist mayor. I believe that Johnson has to come out with a policy and then knock on doors to get the people behind him. Like they did in New York. Our mayor was not even able to raise taxes on the rich. They claim they will leave. Other people will take their place. Illinois is a gorgeous state, and Chicago will always be a jewel.
I am not the person with the solutions on this, I bow to the experts, but I would like to see the Mayor have another term, because we need Social Democrats in power everywhere possible, especially in the age of Trump.
You
