The Christ On Earth

 ...  or some creature blessed with the ability to maintain my ethics, facing death many times by those who wished to use me to aide in their sins.   I have been crucified on the absurdity of your expectations.  I am whatever I am.  I have been shielded from most of what has been done in this country, though my one example, the path I have taken, shows the existence of the extraordinary, in a manner I could never have imagined in my years as a writer, then ending up, on this tv world, an international superstar kept as a slave, a cash cow.an Ape in a Zoo.  I still am not certain of what a Gorilla means, though I suspect ...

Even my speculations are worthless to write, more misnomers for your amusement.  I have just maintained the same ethics I always had, usually feeling as if God was on my side, fearless, when I placed myself in danger to save others.  You have tapes of the Mexican woman on Campbell and the screaming no neighbors would encounter, but  I did without fear at all.  That is a GOOD example of all the times in the cabs when I stepped up, a guy who worked out a lot and grew up in a neighborhood where the you had to learn to fight, to protect your younger brothers... from kids riled up by drunken bikers on the corner, to attack us.  One was usually our friend.  I was not prone toward violence, and it took a lot, as I grew older, to get me to fight, until at fifteen, and artist and a pacifistic kind of guy, I put up with a lot from a guy, then finally hit him.  When he tried to fight me again I said No...  just knew there was no reason to fight him, and that I would be the better man to walk.  Plus.  I had already won the fight, when my uppercut sent him flying higher than my head...  though he jumped right up, others jumped in to stop it... his friends.

I have never since been afraid of fighting, just figured it was stupid unless I was being physically attacked and that never happened.  Robbed in the cab, theft of surface... too many times to start thinking about, most forgotten.  Others, the interesting ones, I have written of elsewhere.   This is why I could do that job.

I go back now to the first days of this and I saw the news saying Christ had returned, 'The Jews sure are surprised,' said one newscaster.   I loved everyone during this period.  Actually saw the world in a mote of dust in the sunshine gleaming through the window onto my desk...  my mind expanding in ways that I did not know what to chalk up to...  before the brainwashing I was all peace and love and thought everyone was on the same side, had no clue I was part of an industrial take over of the government.  I was in the first month doing the radio show being passed by peace what he said were our sponsors, and all I remember, perhaps, is tobacco companies, which I used as an excuse to smoke again.  This was brought up to me once...  I thought they were going to make us rich.  Still no clue there was a much bigger game in town than I thought.

My odd life...  in the last few years I heard from a Christian army that had been waiting ten years for my orders to attack the USA.  I did not even know they existed, just heard a voice on tv, as I was going to bed, say I have been waiting to light these fires for ten years.'  I flippantly said, 'Go ahead, light your fires.'   You're keeping me ignorant of this matter cost a lot senseless lives, I suspect.  I knew my writing from ten years before, and the racism of some of them, etc...   I set another army on them, when the US Armed Forces did not seem to have the forces, or perhaps the will...  whon the right would want this.   I stopped these people, then had to after the army that did this, while they were exhausted and since I had to drop my cover... and God directed me.  I did not think about what I was going to do, nor did I get what I asked for, I was given what God needed to do his will, and  you who stood up in this last battle, those who are the last soldiers anyone thought would fight for their country, freedom, etc... the under-estimated.  

I have said again and again 'Always appear as weak as possible,' to your enemies.  Let them underestimate you as long as possible.   I used to say to get close enough to kill, before I realized my metaphors of war were being used by others, with agendas I would never share.  Free will is important, especially to those raised like myself, with the dreams of being an artist, and wanting to express myself in some way no one had ever before, as all writers do...  I have listed all my reasons why this aspect of myself worries me.

The other side of this is, I decided after a few incidents where it seemed I could control the weather, and it was reported to me...  not trusting anyone after the things attributed to me, I decided to keep the snow in Chicago under four inches for the winter.   I knew this could not be faked, because I could look out my window and...  no snowfall hit 4 inches.  We got half the water we normally would, and the two snow storm where they forecast 10 inches, my heart jumped, a rare occurance...  I see where I am on the map and then feel myself here and in the storm, which I broke into two streams, flowing around Chicago.  It worked, but people died in Buffalo NY because of too much snow, and Chicago has a drought.  

I proved to myself that I can manipulate the weather if I so wish, but like tinkering with anything you do not understand, there were 'possible' side effects, including deaths.  I have said over and over that I try things once, and if they are real, then I leave them alone.  God reveals things to me for reasons, and I think this is the one I needed to know that I can protect my city with the weather alone, should it come to that....  I have also told myself that if Russia attacks Poland I will do my best to give them the worst winter in their history.   I do not know if I could do that, or would...  I do believe that I need a team of scientists to work on this with me, suggest acts I could do... one day, in twenty years,  a person who can shit hurricanes will be valuable.  I should have off-spring to continue this tradition.   I want them to be bi-racial.  I want to make love to the mother, and she to want to make a baby with me...  but what I want and need....  or what you might need?

 

Only the Force Produced Is Real

 All political formulas are fiction; only the force produced is real.   A comment on the military, foreign policy, etc.  Which seems to apply to all aspects of life.  Faith without works is dead, though most 'works' of the church have NO REDEEMING FACTOR AT ALL, AND INDEED,  WORK INTO THE HANDS OF THOSE WHO HATE RELIGIOUS FREEDOM, AND WOULD HAVE A THEOCRACY TAKE OVER THE USA.  A fascist theocracy, as they all are.  Christians who support guns and hate abortion, try to make decisions for all the world based on their beliefs.  Judge not or ye shall be judged, is a reality now.

The end times war has arrived.  The messenger is the USA.  This is no longer rhetoric, which I shall not involve myself in anymore.  Too many words of hatred and violence have flown from my hands, out into the world, and crowd killed innocent people, caused mass murders that I did not even find out about until later.  This is no longer going to be the case.  I vowed to do everything in my power to make this country a Democracy.  To keep what scraps we have and build on the by taxing the rich, demanding labor have the power they deserve as the actual workers who have the FORCE, rather than steal the force of others.

Slavery has been fought in the USA in a manner never before attempted, using the criminals and others to approach this issue, and make those who would enslave others for sex, household work, etcetera, knn be minimalized.   I have been sold for sex, pornography used of me from cameras that spy on me.  Raped by the eyes of a glazed or enraged many who react to my every word like a bullet, instead of the discourse of a societal critic, a journalism, humanitarian, and messenger of God, to say the very least.  There are many messengers from God in the world, there are many with force in the world, there are NONE who are as effective, liberal, or determined to change God himself from an UNHOLY ICON into the loving creator I know.

The Copper is a reality now, and will only grow, until the thought of breaking one of our rules alone will cause the hardest of men to look around and wonder if they are ready to lose everything they love, and die.   The only mercy during my rule for those who break the laws of stealing free will can be a swift death.  Cults of any sort will be dealt with as an enemy of the state.  After identifying through modern spy techniques sex, emotional, or financial abuse, the groups will be disrupted.  This goes fromt those who are accepted widely to those who hide in holes in the ground, or back wood camps.  The idea of religious freedom is central to this country, and the only way to have this is to keep God out of politics.  The science of ethics is another matter.  A leap of faith into the plans of a Creator we cannot begin to understand is why were given science, because that leap will end in carnage at the base of the cliff.

I am standing down at the moment, though I do not expect my associates to see our situation as anything more or less than an all out war.   Our enemies want one, and we will give them one, though we shall fight with faces hidden by cloaks, then return to our families.  We will fight with those already bloodied doing the killing.  We will not glorify becoming a 'made' man, we will mourn what we have done to another.  I know there are more than enough of us that are covered in righteous blood, friends and family who in most circumstances would have not deserved the death sentence;  however, in war, certain boundaries have to be made.  Within the circle of our core, we will be ethical and this will extend outward.  Not by effort. By example.

The right that was behind my initial kidnapping and brain washing has been messed with for sixteen years, and the left that kept up the charade, and my imprisonment, have also killed.   I am not proud of all of this death,  though without my gaining power things would have gotten worse, and indeed continued on without any hope of saving this world.

SAVING THE WORLD is a vital matter.  There is no leeway..  Our children will not be left with a mess, that leaves you unredeemed and hell-bound.

I have roared my last time and now am in full bore attack of those who would harm the cubs.  I fight with whoever wishes to tame the rabid monsters my predecessors in this kingdom have encouraged. Even if this monster is them.

I cannot choose a side, I have one, a copper penny with Lincoln on the side.  I will fight to my last breath, and my death rattle will be heard across this planet,, joining the chorus of those who have died anonymously in our shadow war.

I   do still believe I am owed an HONEST WAGE for my efforts.  None have done what I have done, and the priceless work I have achieved through extreme sacrifice represents how all veterans are treated, one way or another, and I expect the armed forces to consider this long and hard before they call on me once again.  I always will be there for you, but I do not wish to be a slave in a zoo.  No one should be subjected to this, and the idle problems that develop from assessments which I cannot explain in a few words, are too often used by sources IN WAYS THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO BE.

You want a King, well a king rules.  A king is not ruled.  A king serves and is served.  This reality is not going to change so I can be your chump, cash cow, etc.  I have stood by groups who had nothing except hatred for me, again and again coming thru for the when I knew enough to act.  I have no need to list the presidents and coups and revolutions I stopped, by being tossed into leadership positions among groups that I know almost nothing about to this day....  This is why the armed forces are my preferred method, though at this point Copper needs cleansing, and that is my legacy.  A group of fighting monks, who take their role, their God, and their reputation as tied into the fate of thhe world.

Three plans that involve no loss of our soldiers, no civilians kills, etc...  and then act.  I have identified the enemy for you every time;   I do not believe exposure makes much difference.  Only force.  Exposure at this point is probably damaging. I have no hope that my situation is ever going to change, though I can certainly tell you that you show no honor by treating me like this, and while you will take orders from me to kill of massive basis, you seem afraid to provide the ONLY ONE WHO DID NOT STEAL to be broke.  This needs to be dealt with.  I wish to have a bit of a life, and have earned as much.  I am giving you a tiny bit of my power, care, and the benefit of the doubt required in a world where vengeance is God's, not man's...

MAYONAISSE AND MALAISE

 I see fascism coming into the USA on all sides, from the changes in electoral votes trumping the people's choice to the supreme court passing freedom destroying laws, which impose a fundamental Christian ethic on the entire country, despite being a very minority opinion.      We cannot allow fascism to have this country anymore than they already do, a line must be drawn, then they have to be knocked back into the corner and beaten to death.

They will accept no defeat except death.  They will not be defeated as long as one of the big shots is in power, and there are plenty of them, throughout the entire voting system.  They are going to make the coup legal, like Hitler did.  Already I have seen atrocities which I once believed unimaginable in this country.  I had written comedy about violence, but seldom used actual violence in my stories.

I have this interest in writing well beyond wish to cony thoughts.  I wish to make actions take place.  Sadly, I am not quite clever enough to know what all their signals mean.  I have to guess.  I have to assume orange means something, though I am not sure what, really?   To me it means revolution, and I have no idea why?   I think it has somethin to do with the Polish revolution?   I have seen it used as Halloween, a sign of violence, after I wrote something that eventually became like a purge.   I am not sure who was purged.   I wrote all kinds of this back then.  I thought we could revolt, not realizing I was playing into someone else's hands, that they had reasons for these revolts that had nothing to do with my values/  How could I trust anyone after all the betrayals I have had?

I cannot trust anyone anymore, not in my reality.  I have to assume most of them are acting, though ny brother in law I think is actually what he seems. A PEDOPHILE.

The Fascists Die and I babble about it

 I have seen all sides of this political spectrum now.  Sixteen years of experiencing the bullshit of both.  I fought against them both. The left only because they were using a foreign countries spies;   traitors, to a country that has a system antithetical to the values of the majority of citizens of the USA.  I think the right and left both use despicable tactics and basically I am done with them both as of now.

There are three main powers in this world supposedly, the USA, China and Russia.  All three are too fascist for my tastes.  All three destroy individualism.  The USA is the least of the three on this one vital point.  FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION is generally left alone on a micro level.  On a Macro level it is as controlled as the other two.

I do not want to mix politics and religion.  Politics is irrelevant in the face of religion.  Religion is immortal.  Politics is the business of rich fascists and power hungry hell hounds, pretty much... or at least they seem to have the most power.  The good guys get beaten or shot down or stay away from it all together.  Idealism dies quick.

I have tried to help this world.  Especially this country.  But my service is conditional NOW.  Before it was unconditional.  I had no idea what was going on for too many years, just fucked with people.  Then I had very real religious experiences that showed me there is more to all of this than this speck of a planet in the middle of nowhere.  So damn important to us at times, down to a hang nail.  That is the micro micro micro version of this reality.  My vision has grown so much larger than this planet,,,  but I cannot hold onto that perspective all the time.  Sometimes I am just a man, curled up in a ball of pain, or rage or grief or loneliness.  I am tired of death. 

Of late my life has gone from being one huge war against the world, using illusions thrust into peoples minds by others and mine, unwittingly, with no fucking clue what the hell is happening.

Now I have enough of a clue to realize my ignorance is larger than I can consider, and no one is ever going to give me more than stupid fucking hints as to what is happening in this world.  I am sick of being ill informed, while making life and death decisions.  Now I turn it over to God and man to wrestle with their angels and demons.  I tried to organize the people who are traditionally the villain's and the armed forces into a singular force based on a CIA model of sorts, but with more faith in humanity and no agenda other than to try to make the world a bit saner.  I was crazy for years from being brainwashed, but that was still not enough to effect my ethics, get me to indulge in the offerings, temptations, etc.

I do not give a fuck about most of it.  I sure as hell think billionaires are useful as allies, because most do not give a fuck about the world, and unless you have financial backing you are going to lose in this country I am in, because that is the fucked up political system they set up.

I want to go straight for the throat. I am sick of the system.  Sick of lies.  I will not lie for anyone except myself.  For the good of the many I will keep secrets, and vows and such are sacred to me, but I am done pretending that this system is going to work, and I am not a revolutionary.  I refuse to be a puppet figure head again.  That is how I feel and that meant using one side against another and then back again, trying to get rid of the evil elements, find the useful warriors with ethics who give a damn about the future, and will kill the right people.  Strategically.  Within the bounds of ethical underground warfare, but whatever above the law game I am involved in with this world is coming to an end this week.

Until I am approached honestly, the world can continue it's suicidal path without my help.  I do not want to destroy the world, and I hate chaos.  I want order, to some degree, with the individual still free.  A country with a good social structure, a mix of socialism and capitalism, like we once had.  Now we have corporations getting most of the benefits, and the people are getting fucked.  That makes me an outlaw in this world.

I will never follow the ridiculous laws of a fascist country, and I will use the criminal element in endeavors though I cannot do crime myself.  If others are already there, then I do not care.  They are going to be judged on high, on the balance sheet of God, if you will.  I have this vision of how to get them out of crime and set up a free world.  I tried to make it come true, and I end up finding out the science shows people have synaptic pathways that are created by SHEER ROUTE REPETITION.  

They tell me I am an international superstar in some kind of jail for crimes they fucking committed, so I finally, after a religious conversion into something of my own making, based on christianity as it was long ago, not as it is now.  As it was when a mild man died to save his people and carry thru a vow God made to the Jews, who said to people to keep things as simple as fucking possible.  Now they have written too many kings words into the holy books for me to see much in them.  Certainly I do not take them in any fundamentalist way, though I do find wisdom there.  I think of them as notes I left to myself these days.  Doesn't matter what they are really.  But I come down to the Golden Rule.  Nothing much else matters to me.

 

the civil war between states of mind

 Right now I feel as if I have once more had to burn bridges to my small isle in this river of blood;  to retain my integrity, and recapture my honesty from the gray world of lies required to infiltrate first the right, then the left.

I am still confused of course between who is the worst.  I am not going to do the least of worst evils thing, both still reek of evil to me. Though since  I lead from the left, they are my choice,  THOUGH for balance to return, I still hold some conservative values;  still believe that family and community are the touchstones of humanity;  I am very tribal, but unless I am the leader, I am a loner.  I will not follow.  I do not like to lead, but I end up being the most qualified, to the degree that I would be walking away from the will of God not to pick up the gauntlet and scream into the sky, world, I am coming for every human on this planet, and you will kneel before my God or my sword.  My God is science, ethics, love, and respect for individuality,  Not your fake, false Christianity, from the writings of men, 

I write scriptures in blood.  I prefer to be a whisp in the wind, that passes a great man or woman and whispers encouragment in their ear.   Or a young knife that dies when the last enemy is gone from the tribe.

Tha I know now that what I thought in the beginning, that people who listened to tme and wanted to work with me, had to be close enough to my ethical beliefs that they would act with honor unto death, was way off... because of my lack of knowledge, and others trying to ride a unicorn -- they ended up on my horn, of course.

I was confused when this started, and still am, though what is clear to me is obvious as hell.  The far right has gone crazy, and they cannot be redeemed.   In the name of God, they blasphemy and go against everything a Creator, who uses evolution, progression, to develop all his creations could want.  I am tired of trying to define myself.  None of that truly matters to anyone except me and my creator. You stand alone in this time, and will stand alone in the timeless place I believe you are going.  I only have science here, primarily, though I could go thru the mystical list over and over again and some of you would still find a way to slip past the idea of God.   I am not sure how you do it anymore, unless I am being tricked, but I have seen too many things happen that could not be in your plans to believe that personally

Too many things have worked out in God's plan, which I took as nothing at the time, or was so filled with the Holy Spirit I cannot even remember what I said.  He will do this, and the state of mind may come again, though I prefer being myself.   I have been chaffing against the chains again.  The lack of love in my life is hurting all the time lately.

I hate to do it, but the only solution I have is to get a couple cats.  I will get kittens from the pound, next Tuesday more than likely, after I get my pills.  I will get the litter and a box on monday, hide them, thenn get the kittens the next day. I always feel guilty getting babies, but eventually they will be older and ...  I want them to live as long as possible, and have the love in the way I train them.  No more yelling, no more raising my voice.   I will feed them carefully this time.   I do not believe the pond still fixes them, but that is best put off a few months anyways.  I will do it to the one at  a time, slowly.   I guess I can call country care and get ubers a long time ahead of time, which I forgot actually.   They say only to doctors offices.   I guess I can just take buses since it is so close.  I will merely be going up to western, which is close to my house,

They tell me I am famous, keep me broke, tell me womyn want to be with me, but I never  see them.  I am with Mary Ann but I do not want the rest of my life to be this sexless sham.   I want a woman who is sensous, and she simply is not.  I also want one who enjoys banter, and can speak on more topics than her day at work.   I have been with her a long time, but I either give up on love in this life or leave her.  I love her as a friend, almost more like a nurse than a lover, and a nurse I do not trust.

I hate to even think about the spy stuff, but she has done things behind my back that make no sense within the context of the person she has shown me.  Especially now that I have killed.  I feel horrible about this, all the way around.    I did not know they would fight, just that they seem to be waiting for me to do somethng, and the people around me were vicious, what I would have once considered inhua, but now knoow to be all too human.

I am not like them.  I do not take any pride in being tough, or anything I have done.  I feel like a terrible loser, who was asked to do an impossible task with no information at all on how to do it.   I am grateful God stepped in and fucked it up everytime, that is for sure,

But now...  where am I?   I critique the police, hoping to help, and people take this as condemnation, which I don't do.  Or when I do, I do not take it very seriously, this is not my right.

I do not know anymore what they want of me. I have shown them I am not a racist, not a traitor, though certain a liberal and a friend to the world, meaning China and left wing countries, in a way no other western leader can compare to.   This may be why they made me out to be a Gorilla going after  a dog in a commercial, showing me throwing dirt at the dogs, not destroying thhem.  It did not escape me the Gorilla was in a zoo being displayed.

I know I cannot give into hatred, and I know I cannot give into human expectations of me.  I also know I must serve God, but I am sure if they treated me better he would treat the better, but they still think I am self-serving, after all I have sacrificed for others in this life.  I know better than to have hopes, dreams, or wants.  They will always find a way to subvert me.  This is why I cannot even tell Mary Ann I a getting cats,, because she will try to tell me we cannot afford them, when in truth of course we can.  We eat all this fancy food because that disgusting beast lives with us, but supposedly he is gettng social security, which i do not really believe, but I cannot care.  I have given then all my money forever, and now have quit smoking cigarettes and pot, which should be saving us a ton of money, but she claims still we are broke all the tine.   I got them to quit ordering out, but what is the point?  

I am getting the cats no matter what they do.   I will call and get  a ride and a pick up, and if the pick up will not take me home with the kittens, I will et on the bus.  It is that simple.   They cut the price to 65 bucks, so they are the least expensive in the city, though they will not be fixed more than likely.   I can't wait.  A week from today.   I do not know what to do with all her crap, other than put it in garbage bags.  I know she wants it all laying out so she can get to anything but I do not care.  I will try to get her to work on this this weekend, but she will not, so once I have the kittens, maybe she will get her shit together.

I am so tired of living with her that I know I would be better off with Larry, but then I would probably snort heroin or something.  I just wish I could find a successful woman who understands the governnebt simply will not pay me, for reasons OF MY NOT BECOMING EVIL..

I really was an idiot for having any dreams and hopes.  I even had this stupid idea that DREW BARRYMORE would somehow save me after I expressed my attraction to her.  We could have a baby with the egg of a black woman who could be a co-mother.  I would rather concieve with love making for some reason, but that is probably pure romance and lust.  I do love the skin of black women.  I do not have a fetish, but...  the ones I have been with, that was a very attractive feature,  I would have stayed with the one, but they would have probably killed her.   The hot one who lived beside us on Greenleaf was a spy...  God knnows I wanted her..

I still think about the woman I met in the hospital.  Early on, right after the brainwashing, maybe during that visit.  She told me I talked more about the dog than my girlfriend.   I wanted to leave Mary Ann after a few months, as soon as I saw her temper.  I was acting like an ass, though, so...  but all the yelling all the tine closed my heart to her.  Not to mention I spent the year wanting to kill myself.   I was taking way too many pills, all at once when I got them.  Seizures were all caused by that.   I put her through so much, I am glad it was her job to be with me or I would feel even worse.

I cannot even begin to fathom how I feel about the people who died in these wars..  I did not want that, but for some reason I believed that this country could come around, but the enemies of God have this earth, it seems to be their realm.

The COPPER ARMY AND OUR PRESENT ATTACK MODE/AND big love from the center of the cosmos.

 My prayer is that those who are communist, or socialist, or on the left, and even those who are the right who believe that the country needs to stand for something besides the last vestiges of colonialism, and a fascist, torture machine, will unite.  We will have to or you will all die in an inferno that God will not stop.  I am your last hope.  You can see narcissism or whatever the hell you want to, but I can see rather clearly that no one has the power, or the will, to lead this war... which means someone needs to be beyond temptation to take control, and my prayers to be be kept from temptation have been answered with a death sentence.

NOW you can no longer claim that I want to take over the world and all this crap, because I am looking at a death that is going to be horrible, and I am going to show you once again, how God's son acts toward adversity.  I am going to increase my time table and get this done,  You are going to help me, because I know in your hearts you wish to all be circles, and part of a loving group.  A group of individuals mind you, not the same thing at all.  The diversity is what has happened as God has continued moving and this is what you call evolution.  

You have free will.  I am not sure why he chose you but I suspect it is because you are the most like him.  He hates war, of course..  This to him, and to me, is the ultimate failure at working together, and becoming a loving group.  LOVE IS OUR FAVORITE INVENTION OF YOU HUMANS.  The reason I believe he has allowed you to be created, but I have no clue and asking God a question is tricky, and the answers ...  you do not want them, he knows this, and is not cruel enough to give them.  

We learned cruelty from you as well, which is why I was so blown away by what you are doing to each other on this planet.  Especially before he converted me, and let me see more of the after life, the ancestors, and how they were leaving, because this planet is in apocalypse mode and the blessed will never have to be born again.

Now, I have no enemies, other than the behavior some show, which I despise, but I cannot sustain hate for a human.  I simply know you from too many sides, and also I have known many of you for so long.  Some of you since the last purge.  

And yes, we killed every human on the planet, basically.  I do not know how much of this is a metaphor, for the lines being broken, and the chosen people destroyed, and others left alive, but for awhile I was the only bridge between the light, where I came from, and this planet.  I seem to have memories of some coming with me, and they may be angels.  I also seem to know most of you are going someplace I am not.  I have a mission that for all I know will last forever, but I believe there is an end to this, a great contraction, like your scientists talk about, when he will destroy your shells and you will be simply light.  I am not light, I am nothing, but you are something, a creation of God.

I do not know if your souls are subject to evolution, but that seems logical, and God is logical as hell, which is why sometimes I can figure out why he has made me do certain things, despite the pain they caused me.  For one, nothing done to this body means much compared to my love for you, or my need to save you.  You can hate me all you want, but this does not matter to me one whit in the end, though it may to my father... that will depend on why you hate me.

I am not just fucking around when i say I would have found a way to kill the person you thought I was, and it makes no sense to me that you did not, unless your leaders actually know I am a supernatural creature and all those who died trying to kill me would just end up being you if you tried.  

I told you sixteen years ago that anyone who fought me would die, a nd now you have seen this come to pass.  I also warned you not to make me a an unholy icon.  You did all of these things and they have caused you immense pain.

I for awhile thought you could appease God by granting me some simple wants for my service to humanity, but I still had no idea the context I was being viewed in or that he had me undercover to destroy all evil I ran into, and to make you humans realize that He has plans, and he uses all of you, whether you think you are evil or not, though some of you have not taken the redemption offered, and still act hateful and use others to stir up their hatred of the children of God, which is all of you, no matter what you think of yourself.

I always felt like the guy who accepted everything, and if it was not my business, or happening right in front of me I wanted nothing to do with it.  Like politics, I had long given up on that charade meaning anything.  just mostly a pack off lies until perhaps very recently.   I do not approve at all of making sausage being the way things get done.  To have to appease the racistsf to get anything done, means that politics while important, are also rather meaningless.  They are not producing the force required to stop the great burnng, let alone world peace.  Insead one or two maddenngly idiotic and hateful and all around stupid, as far as I can tell, have control, by virtue of repeating propaganda until the synaptic pathways in their mind only accept what ,,,, blah, blah, bllah,,

My point is this, he needed this army of ours to be decimated for the sins that you have done in my name, punished,  Though all of the dead are Heaven bound, and while this may not seem fair to some of you, the ones who created the hellishness associated with brainwashing these people still live, and the generals are responsible for their soldiers.  Yes, you all stand before me as individuals, but when one is the victim of circumstances,, you are victims.

I once told you that various groups were attracted to me because of who I am, a diverse group, for sure, but the love I feel for you is immense, and the sparks, the Holy Ghost within you, is immortal, and we will know each other forever.  Some of you will be in hell, but I am not truly cruel enough to leave you there forever..  The meek will inherit what is left of this earth, the lovers.  Those who nurture.  The destroyers will be gone.  Some will be with me, others stuck in an adjacent dimension or something until the planet dies, as they all do.  By then humans will be so ascended, that they will easily be able to leave their bodies before the burning takes place.

But for now, which is all we have, and how our behavior will effect the future, is our reality.  In Chicago, we will establish the model for sanctuaries in the future.  This will be a place that is welcoming to all, because xenophobia will be so shunned and people will not be building these synaptic pathways, for the most part, that leave to xenophobia, because they will not survive without the help of the entire planets governments.

I want peace with all of you, but this is not possible, so we must go to war to protect the innocent, because if you were innocent, you would want someone to protect you.  There is no Calvary, so we have created one.  THOSE WHO FOUGHT ME, and those who fought with me, must now bury their axes and come together in a mutual fight against those who will stand in the way of survival.

I still have stupid wants, but unless God feels that they are needs for you, he also knows that I do not really want them.  I can put up with anything obviously, but I am convinced I live with a racist, though she may have been just trying to save her ass, or whatever... or she may have redeemed herself, regardless, I cannot trust her to be my queen.  She has shown she has a side that hates, I would not want her around my children, let alone around me, given the choice.  Yes, I love her, she is my friend, nut nothing more.... and I am afraid of losing her, yes...  it will break my heart, just like Barbara, even though she had already moved on from me, and showed me she was just a whore using me for her own amusement, but throw a weapon at me and I will throw back a mountain, so she taught me a lot.  I do not hate her at all, but I sure as hell do not wish to ever see her again.  I do not want to ever raise my hand toward a woman, and my rage inside for her is something I am too in touch with to tempt myself by seeing a traitor to humanity, and a racist, and the woman who used me for sex, and whatever else, a weapon I suppse.

I do not stereotype people like you think.  I see individuals, and in her I see a person who is cruel to the extreme, the elite personified, as well as revolutionaries personified, they will use anyone for their purposes, amd lose all humanity in their ideological delusions.

I do not have this impulse anymore with Mary Ann, though I try, like with her brother, to just hold down my hatred,  When she is producing decent force like she has been,, then I feel comfortable around her.  I have a natural tendencies to wish to serve women, but I cannot serve her like I would a lover.  I have little time left to use this part of myself.  Perhaps this is not what God wants and I accept that.  But I would like to leave a child in loving hands, because my intelligence and genes are valuable, and they may have the same or more powers than myself.  I wish to give this power to the powerless, and possibly others.  I want to have a baby with Gaga.  A Jewish child who can be raised in the original religion to me.  And I would like to have a child with a black woman.  I am attracted to all kinds of women, but I do not wish to objectify them again.

I went thru a period like that when I was thinking I would leave mary ann, who none of you even considered when you showed me people who seemed to want to sleep with me.  The problem is of course I am not sure I will be cured of this disease.  If this proves to be the case, I am basically going to be an intellectual companion for the last of my life.  This at least put a stop to my looking for wedding rings on women I found attractive,

I wish I could take all of your grieving away from the deaths that I caused.  No hands that did my bidding deserve anything except honor.  Many of those who died were trying to redeem themselves, but working for another country, that is an enemy to the values of your country, in many respects, is not my way, and indeed I cannot stand shoulder to shoulder with such peoyple.  I told you before that I do not care what you think, that the force you produce is all that matters, and I stand by this though now that you know that cowardly fear is at the root of your xenophobia, I would hope you will cure this, so you can truly be courageous.  Fearing some other that does not even exist is not the way of the future, and if you raise your children this way you will, frankly, be endangering them, to say the very least.

I will advocate concentration camps with homeland security rounding people up to create new synaptic pathways, much in the manner of treatment centers, if I have to, but there is no reason under the sun why I should have to.  Though this mission is too vital to allow something as easily cured as a phobia to stop God's will.  Or science's will, or the will of all life on the planet...

I ask you to consider this, so we can take you with us, and the warrior within you may be freed, and fight ethically, and with the honor required to stand by my side.   I am not one to have a lot of rules, the Golden Rule is good enough for me, but I would not want to hate someone simply because  I was raised by racists who gave me NO CHOICE EXCEPT TO THINK OTHER, because of the way synapses grow.   I would want someone to step in and stop this.

Now, we must target the snakes head,  The hatred is not being handled by the government, they need our help, or the anti christ is going to get control of this country again.  I wish I could say I will kill him before I will let this happen, but vengeance is God's, and while I may be an instrument of God's will, I am also crippled and have to protect this city,,,,  I cannot leave this city if there is the slightest chance the racists will nuke it if I am gone.   Until I know they are wiped out, and I do not see how this will happen.  I foolsihly thought by exposing the, you would take actions... instead, I learned a great lesson about how deep this sickneses has infected the usa.  We are a country that requires the so called criminal element to stand up and give back for all they have taken.  Yes, the system has been rigged enough that even I have had to commit crimes, small as they might seem compared to genocide and other atters.  But this last effort, such a thing must NEVER AGAIN be repeated,

Strategic strikes that kill only the snakes are required. y I do not know who is with me and against me anymore.... our country has split into two sides that will never meet.  We cannot find common ground wen both the left and right have synaptic pathways that are gateways stopping the others views from entering.

God bless you, Science bless you, and may you always remember that we need not lose one soldier in this effort.  We know who they are and have 'accident' experts out there, as well as people who know that taking hostages to get the right votes will also be required.  This is plan a, and we will have to get really mean if this does not work out.  I would not ask you to do something I would not do myself.  I wish this was just a matter of pain and I would start using morphine shots and shit, but movement will further my decline, which will give us less time.

Should I have children, I will only trust Copper to protect them, perhaps raising them in backwoods Italy under cover names so I know they are protected.... but I have to trust that you will not try to use them for evil, because it will cause them pain, And get you killed.  I will be in the spirit than, and you will more than likely be headed toward a firey death.

I love you butterflies, and those who fought you,  I see both sides of this.  I simply do not want you to have to fight agaiyn, because you have too much common ground.  I truly do not care what your politics or religion is, those are minor matters, though I stereotype Republicanss  in ny writig, I support many of them.

I am very tired, drugged, yet I pray you understand what I am trying to get across.  I do not know what is going to happen in the future, entirely.  I do know that copper exists, and the resources from all over this planet have to be utilized in this effort...

I stilll do not advocate terrorism, unless you can hit targets with no civilians, and it is not needed in the US, but other countries where we must operate within, there is too much military control to think that they are going to give up.  They have the Russian play book now, the propaganda tocotrolk and 

The REPLACEMENT THEORY, and other RACIST t-Rump related shit.

The Early Years....   documented at the time in Waking Up Jesus, during the effects of the brain washing, drugs, the hypnosis, the media manipulation of my perceptions of what was happening in the world, and when my words were deadly as a metaphor in my mind, and against the monolithic enemy that could do this... show me there is an alternative world, and I am a prisoner there, for crimes I had nothing to do with, other than being misinterpreted in your minds into a villian.   With good reason. 

The ONLY thing you did not try to use to stop me was the truth, which would have.  Let the light into the darkness and you see my miracles of peace manifest.  Keep your blood in the dark, and you can for awhile, get enough rope, to reach all the way down to hell, where you can make a nice soft landing among other blow hard, fanatics of 'self-messiah-I - DUM', walking around Hell trying to tell lies and no one listening to anyone else, unless it is to get them to listen to them, and then they are thinking about what they will say while the others lips move.....  I add this last bit, but my visions, after fasting for months, of Hell, on Good Friday, which is a trip into itself, all the 'co-incidences' that started me waking dreaming, which was not smoking pot, and others... allowed me to hear what was happening in the apartment and yet stay in the dream until I was ready to leave after a few hours of trying to talk to these people.

This replacement theory is the kind of march that I think I might have once been associated with, and at different times I have said one nice thing about small businesses and the Capitalists come out of the wood work screaming, HE IS ONE OF US... well, yes, that is the way I lived, and I would change quite a bit about it, but working for oneself is preferrable, but not at the expense of using others as objects, less important than the machinery.  And unless we are going to try to break up big industry, which is a bit ridiculous to me, we need Unions to bring the profits to as many people as possible, and based on them being human.  Jobs are found for those with mental handicaps all the time.  Why not at Ford, getting fifty an hour or whatever they make....

Back to the beginning, and the ten years of just fighting with words, until I learned of the blood behind my words and backed off...  trusting no one.  I cannot describe the mindset I was in, believing their were no allies in this world, that I was hated.  I had no clue an army awaited orders, or others were trying to make me into a stuff animal.  I am a bloody reminder of how when you make mistakes, you fix them... and when in Rome, fight like a modern soldier and mow them down thru their shields...   nothing against Rome, which I have pleasant relationships, I hope, among the progressives, and those the Pope is surrounding himself with to take over when he passes.

 I was confused as hell.  Sitting at my computer stoned on weed and pills, trying to figure out why I went from winning in some race I had no clue why or how I was in, with the tv messages all on my side, to the next moment hating me.  I was still thinking I was fighting a losing war of words against some monolithic operation that had brain washed me for starters, and then had been treating me like Jesus one moment, then a fraud and a spreader of chaos the next.

I kept hearing about this FAMILY I WAS IN from people on TV WHO I HAD NEVER MET, nor did I know a damn thing about.  They were the dogs, I guess.  There are various pockets of them I believe, though to this day I am unsure of too much to do more than know I am not a dog, simply because they do not believe blacks and whites are even the same species -- they knew I liked EO WILSON'S writing, which directly contradicts this, and had him try to tell me that I would eventually choose the white side, because they were mostly like me.  I had never consider there to be some split between humans because of color, despite running into both blacks and whites who expressed such views.

I suddenly at this point had control of  this money, and I know where it came from, though I am not even sure I really knew at this point.  I told them to just donate the money to charity, not realizing how much had been stolen or I might have asked them to give it back.  I was not thinking very rational at the time, just doing recon on everyone around me.  I had armed guards upstairs, during this period, who banged on my ceiling when I was supposed to pay special attention to something on tv, which was too bizarre.

I believe in a few passages from the bible, used to call them notes I left to myself amidst the shit kings and men who wished to be worshipped or paid for being shepherds, etc...  one is that GOD BEFFUDLES SOME PEOPLE.  This seemed to be happening to me, and part of what this did was make my decisions I made, which people took way more seriously than I knew.  This is when TRUMP SHOWED UP ON MY FEED, SMIRKING LIKE SATAN HIMSELF, ASKING, 'GIVE THE MONEY TO CHARITY?'  I guess he must have been profiting off of me.  I hated him since the worship of the rich began in the eighties, after Reagan destroyed the country, being used by the racist facist industrialists to push thru a seventy percent tax cut, which resulted in taking the money of the working class and funneling it to the one percent, creating these right wing billionaires.

I 

For one, we needed to strike the right wing racists hard, and we needed to stop the revolutionaries who would have destroyed free will again.  The period when people were making up all this shit about me, thinking everything I did was a sign from God to them, is one of those IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN moments I used to have, though now I trust God has a plan, and no He does not tell me about it because if he did I would feel like a murderer, and would probably not be able to do it.  I could not do a premeditated murder.  I can kill, and would if confronted, but this is not my way.  I am a man of peace despite all appearances, though I am the most dangerous creature this earth has ever experienced, or will.  THE SECOND most dangerous creature in existence, as far as I know.  Oh, I forgot about the humans..  well, I am the 8 billionth something  creature, no kind of threat compared to what humans have done to this earth.

I could not allow blacks to be murdered again, if it was in my power to do anything to stop it, and the tactics that I heard about that were being used, were exactly the ones I had criticized in my book.  I hated the idea of child soldiers, and women being raped to death.  I had slane sleep with a ten year old rather than describe the horrible deaths in operation phoenix in detail.  I believed that one sentence was sickening enough.  LATER, when I realized people believed I though little girls should be bred at such an age sickens me.  These are babies to me, and like a good parent, I could no more sexualize them than I could an animal or a plant.

THE DESTRUCTION OF THE INNOCENT ENRAGES ME.  What enrages me enrages my father.  I do not know how to explain that He learns from me, and I learn from you, and he views you thru me.  He is the TAO so to speak, most of him not even aware of what is happening, but he does adore me.  I adore him.  Forever we have been together, though we never had these words, or emotions until what I guess are technically proto humans.  Or proto life.

I have described in detail how I explored forever my father, just moving through the darkness for no other reason than that I could.  I did not think, I experienced.  For reasons of his own he one day created this blue dot, and I immediately was attracted to it.  I travelled some huge distance, which does not take any timme there, but it showed my interest I suppose, and was fascinated with this thing.  It was alive, and this gave me first glimpse of life.  He created more and they all fit together, then for reasons again I do not understand, he made some that did not fit.

I watched them and saw the square ones -- they were mishapenned in all sorts of ways, but they had sides, is the point.  These things had to keep smashing into the others until eventually flicks of them drifted off and clung to the others, and they became circles.  I then wanted to know them better and became one, or part of me did, and this was joyous at first, being part of something.  I had never felt myself to be a part of God, just another creature, much smaller, and in awe of the huge being in the dark with me, who never moved.  Then he created another one of the square creatures, and I learned it felt pain when it tried to join the others, did not fit, and parts of it smashed off.  I felt pity for it, and used my power to smash the bits off instantly, so its pain would stop.  Love, then pity, and a bit of anger that this process caused pain are the first things I can remember.   THIS is when HE MOVED, and then there were planets everywhere, because there is no tie as you think of it, unless you count the becoming part, which is when we become circles, but to me it all happened at once.  To the creatures on the planets it was a long drawn out time.

For me to experience this, I have to enter into beings and then there is time, and all the things associated with the creature.  I had no desire to do this again after my experience with the blue circles, so to speak..  Though my love and pity suddenly was for everything around me.  I did not want anything to feel pain, but is everywhere, part of his plan...  I believe he is trying to make you like us.  I am not sure, but this seems to be what he is doing.  To become nothing and thoughtless and just exist takes a lot, evidently and seems not to be for everyone.  Some of you end up in Hell.   He showed me your hell, on Good Friday.  He knows I am a scientific thinker, which is why you had to brainwash me into a Jesus, because it was meant to be, you were supposed to learn that things are done in God's time, not yours.

YOU MESSED WITH THE ADORED ONE, because he was quite taken with many love and pity, feeling these things for the first time.  Love came from you and I enjoyed that immensely, pity not so much of course, and pain I despised, enough that anger was developed.  Though the creatures hitting the others seem like they would have been angry, they felt a longing to belong, and were willing to endure the pain to get to be part of the others.  Grit I guess you would call it, and this also I learned from you.

I was like a tabula rasa. I moved and that was about it.  God I do not know, he probably knew all this was coming, but he keeps things from me, as I have told you, and the horror of my journey would have caused me pain twice, and he is not cruel.  This is why down here, he gave me the cradle dreams of being myself, blank and really not even curious, as I used to describe me.  I was content.  Like in the beginning.  Just content to exist.

We are repeating the same process over and over, which is why I act on sort of automatic when in human form.  At least when my cover goes away.  I always wore this world as a loose cloak, though at times it made me quite uncomfortable, obviously, but I always felt that I would be welcomed in heaven.  There was a song the killers put out, when this first started and people thought I had been defeated, for reasons I still do not understand, where they talked about how I had ranthe world but ended up a street cleaner.  They also said Saint Peter would not n his gates to me and I knew this.  I likeed the song despite this, but thinking I had ran the world was so over the top to me.  I just could not understand why no one would come to my aide...  i wanted this so bad, for there to be good people, not nazi s and criminals trying to tempt me, one with morphin....  I was in a lot of pain, walking on the beach, when I was appoached by a decent seeming man, and we spoke a bit, then he told when I asked, that his dog was named belladonna, and that it was needed at times, which I did not take seriously.  Like all the people who approached me, I would just let them speaky and then leave them with no answer to whatever.

I think some of this was denial, but there was always a part of me that thought this was just too damned crazy to talk about.  This is...  I mean, when they were still trying to tear me down, with good reason, they put out a movvie aboout three men who thought they were Jesus.  I did not care to watch this, knowing it would piss me off.  i did not feel like Jesus, just like me.

Now, to get back to what is happening now....  I am going to start another entry altogether.... because this one has ended up being too disoriented,, and more stuff I have already told ou.I