After a lost battle... which the enemy thought was a lost war, I was once asked, long ago, why I walked around with my chest puffed out. I replied, "As long as I am alive I am winning." They really thought it was over. I told them that and now twenty years later, they are long gone and I am still solicited to help with the resistance... the guy who knows peaceful resistance will work. The one who has seen too many guns and revolutionaries and death and mass graves... does not want to ignorantly draw blood. PEACEFULLY WORKING THROUGH THE ISSUES... or join the corpses rotting around me.
All I knew back then was that some group had messed with my life. Telling the world this dangerous creature would now rule the world? The absolute confusion, coupled with the brain washing of Jesus into my head, which led me further away from whatever plans these were. I have always strived to be moral and am instinctually in most situations, and angered by injustice. Add to this possible divine powers and my head was one huge mess. But I have not been defeated.
Twenty years later, after I told you I was going to end up surrounded by an ever increasing pile of bodies if you attacked me. Sadly, misinterpreted. violence of the most vile kinds manifested. I do all I can to bring peace between all people, though in Chicago I got to be friends with a lot of black people, and meet THOUSANDS DRIVING CAB which is intimate at night in the big city. Heard stories. To hear of this kind of strife, and know that this is probably happening already. I keep seeing the power is yours, play hard ball. Do the words mean...
They are not random I have seen mostly. I thank again all the messengers and humbly bow to your efforts, and apologize sincerely for your pain. The part I had in it ignorant or not does not make much emotional difference, same acidic, pit of guilt.
I once had way too much influence. What bit I still have has to be used in ways only professionals know. I am not lying to any of you anymore. No reason to. I am following the law and the last thing I want is to influence someone to hurt someone else or themselves. My thoughts are all about how to avoid violence. If violence comes I leave that to the professionals.
Though I will never abandon Chicago and that means everyone. I will never abandon my ethics, and that means I will never abandon even an enemy. Christianity allows me to hope for redemption. Before I felt a fire from God fill me when I preached for blood. I was trying to correct troubles that I had noticed over the years, while I could, on some level. Though I surprised myself. I did not feel like me at all, and ... . I do not expect this again. I have become something else. Now I will act silently and effectively as possible at giving people hope, spiritual direction, and reasons to carry on the curing of the diseases mental and physical that plague our land.
I am guilty. There is no other verdict. I am just not sure what I am guilty of? Being a guy who got brainwashed, over and over, by a group that wanted... whatever. Others would say Murder. Mass Murder. The ones I found about afterwards. Lord, do not do that to me again. I know you are there, but we must
Does anything I write matter
I have been wondering that lately....
