Sermons Delivered From A Circle In The Middle Of Piles Of Corpses
Stacked So High That The Blue Sky Is A Tiny Dot Far Above My Podium.
The sand where I have drawn my mystical circle with no clue
how true the words I spoke would prove to be
A seeming empty threat from a spirit, 
who just said whatever... stirring up controversy accidently and true
not realizing my words, which I called bullets in a metaphor, had become real.
A miracle of science and chaos and poor planning and a secret world
I do not know what to do at this podium
Surrounded by dead bodies and I wish to speak of Peace
how one who threw out an advertising line
total war for total peace,
never thinking it would be taken as more than
a way to get people motivated.
tommy smothers
came on tv probably ten years ago
and said anyone who thinks you can fight your way to peace
is an idiot.
I did not see anyone around me fighting
to try to get peace,
though he sure as hell did.
To me this was a metaphor
and my even having to explain as much
meant I was being bullied by someone
who I loved in that star way
who I felt being famous and rich and on tv he was bullying
a guy who had been brainwashed, put on seroquel to assure I was insane
with wounds I ignored
Telling myself just living a life as I would
as much as possible
was my only way to fight you....
and my words.
Mr. Smothers retired from comedy at this time and I thought they killed him
A terrible regret
I know there are others he represents a many now though the lack of communication
has left me out in the cold
the intelligence organizations in the USA obviously are against my activities
for reasons that as always are all made up in their heads.
They have become mercenaries for predatory capitalists.
This can change. How will it change....
My mistakes with the CIA before and the war,
when I realized you were targeting
innocent civilians in an action that you were actually trying
to blame on me...
Making me the head of the CIA is ridiculous,
as they did on this show ...
I would have loved to have been part of anything
trusted
etc
But for years you had been watching an out of control lunatic. I could not change, I could chalk all this up to the pain and.... I did not know yet that people had their arms cut off at the elbow for taking part in what was supposed to be a peaceful thing, and did have a lot of huge people behind me, who started wanting to fight, and while I did not know why... I had no clue this would set off a huge response.
Why the hell would I... a nobody I thought. Then I heard the FBI saying 'this group' is peaceful, and knew they were referring to the group who thought I was going to be their messiah now. They had come to be part of a Holy Event in Chicago, an attraction.... except I hardly ever went out because I was so depressed that I could not function. Living on Estes then, not walking the dog.
I had those men upstairs at that apt. banging on the ceiling when I needed to see what was on tv, and other times. I was so self-centered, and afraid, I think.... that if I asked if we worked together they would say No... I was waiting to be approached openly, I ended up getting Spies and The Psychopath.
With Tommy Smothers I thought it was his brother who said on tv one night
They killed my brother. I am sorry for all who died.
I was still using the drugs in crazed manners. The madness of the Christ heavy. I remember telling you that people could come to see me, and that this had to be managed, and etc... different groups than showed up at the beach, people I worked with, like one day all gays at the park, another day all people dressed in black, silently staring at the beach. Again, I tried to speak to one and he looked at me with hatred in his eyes, though he told me nothing... the rules you have, which still allow me to be easily manipulated. In some says, this is good, God helps me to choose, and to help keep them in line, or in their presidency, or whatever office, should it come to this. Copper set themselves up. They are too sophisticated and ornery for me to think I could know better. I am humbled by my part in helping you to understand how we all do fit together, and can work together, to banish threats to us all.
The unspoken actions of the last few years, I am going to think of as the Copper years. When the blood was too sacred to wash off my body, growing thicker each day, as fresh blood splashing over me. I can sit in living room, Samuel in One War, far from the action, giving orders to people I will never meet, after determining they needed to be silenced to hide a story, as was done to Gary Webb, the writer of the book on Iran Contra. Fucking guy from columbia college asked to read my book, never called me back but stole my story, switched it around, a lot, and left me totally out of the the thing, with Mel Gibson as a cab driver, which I was when I met the guy, and I got right they were murdering this reporter. Not like they came after me over it, though this guy probably has cia connections, associated with Columbia College Film School... same place my prof. stole our script. The strange aside, co-incidences, watched since ... who cares.
Only later can I prove this internet has watched me,
tried to steal my soul, as the Amish believed about photographs...
these colonialists tried to steal my thoughts and all images of my life
objectify me into the ultimate commodity
use me to create another world
one they dreamed of
Which I cannot begin to see how they could associate with Christ.
In my mind this is who I was. I would hear things you asked me
like should we kill the autistic and wonder just who you were...
what Christ you worshipped
that was not peaceful and filled with love at heart
The Prince of Peace....
Not KING, that is the place of another....
we are all at peace in the end of this
when the madness of flesh is gone
forgotten
to existentialism complete and utter
too filling for words to conceptualize...
I confess here and there in these new blogs
now that I am free from worrying about any judgements
or trying to tell 'new' people my odd story.
How ridiculous and cruel a life looks
after a brainwashing
during a pill binge
as a man fought his way
thru a bloody maze
only to find well defended dead ends
until I recognize there are no tunnels without bodies now
no matter where I go in that dam maze
perceptions your walls
that you look down on my tiny self
running fighting recovering sitting thinking
causing more hell to erupt in my enemies
This world I cannot see very well... just that spot of sky
which sometimes is rain, sometimes snow...
a dimension in my world where I just stand there
seeing the blood red water dripping down over the rotting corpses
I try not to smell them as I acknowledge the truth
of an existence too surreal not to be written up surreal
in a world where the real is too surreal to fit into a fictional dream
just wouldn't be believed...
though the watchers cannot have my soul, that I trust, my God has shown me that staying on my path requires being stoned in the streets,
dragging my cross to Calvary
moving only because the slash of the whip is unbearable to my my most base instincts,
forces my muscles to do anything to stop fresh rips across bleeding flesh.
at times,
other times, saying all who attacked me would end up in a pile around me...
I said things happened to those who used me as well but it seemed self-serving
and nothing I was going to instigate.
Now I keep remembering myself saying the unicorn would have a bloody horn.
A metaphor that came true
I don't know why the hell this happens to me
Why is it that I arrived on this earth,
and you slapped an executioner's black leather mask
hiding my crown of thorns --
when I was certain that I would be welcomed as proof of God
which I did not think I would ever find
though already the signs were there, ignored with so many other hints
willing to endure to serve my God as so man others have theirs
I am better armed and in direct contact that other humans
and my What I Am is not
As the Cardinal said this week
Jesus has returned
you will see Christ in the eyes of the poor
Today I ass also in the eyes of the tortured
the grieving
the broken
I do not care anymore about labels applied by humans to one another
I will remember that I must trust no human.
Only God.
God tells me to love, be generous, do all I can for others...
God tells me to do all I can now to make peace
I was thrown into wars that I always stopped.
Only one did I start intentionally.
My best friend, in some ways the best of humanity
Chose hatred
Chose to be a traitor
And acted in manners behind my back
As a spy that I cannot begin to guess
I knew when he called that morning all excited
that he would soon learn
I was serious about not leaving a puppet throne
behind me.
Or anything other than a democracy.
Let us all pray for peace
For love to burst thru the hatred
we all cry the same tears and laugh the same laughs
a place to live, food to eat
safety and love.
Such simple needs ignored
by the news for a celebrity spat.
Worshipping billionaires... this indeed is kneeling before false idols....
