the Simpsons 023 opener was about me... all lies.

       

Before I get to talking about the simpsons...   I need to speak of the fasting I went thru and finally had a true conversion....  visions of all kinds...  a narrative that made sense to me in my dream.

 My appearance changed to skeletal, and I had no desire to eat.   I was smoking weed and cigars, occasionally having a bit of something, though often going two or three days without food  To describe all the visions, after the way my words have been taken out of context and in placed in contexts and contexts and...   an entire caste of a villainous visage to some. and many I would have agreed with on putting a stop to me...  is not meant to provoke anger or hate of any kind.

I start once again biographically, going back to ten years ago, or so...  before I was told a bit of what was happening, though unsure as hell my place in the world.   Back then,  My ignorance was taken a shallowness, that was not a part of me before feeling like I was at war with a world..   I did not feel worshipped, I felt like my life had been into a surreal experience....   then, ten years ago,   I see myself laughing along with what I thought were sick jokes, until I heard someone talk about killing people with blue eyes and realized they were serious.   I freaked out.  The last way in the world I would judge someone would be their eye color.

  I did not know about your groups then, or my position, etc...   another situation, I just happened to end up in, that ended in my staying away, totally distrusting the one group I identified because they were one that contacted me.

I think of this period a lot because from that writing a group waited ten years to act, plotting and training, after I had sent them home.  I felt that had ended.   By then I knew there was no group that I was going to join without knowing a lot about them, because some acted in ways I would stop, not go along with.   did not mind being associated with China, they had helped me out when all I wanted was the truth, for you to stop watching me, torturing me...  breaking International Laws of Human Rights, again, in my life.   And I am grateful to them for all I learned from their culture, their political system, etc...   I was placed in a position where just what I feared, creating a throne, and then leaving it to someone I could not trust.  I chose to destroy those, as much as possible, who were threats to the federal government.  I also hoped to take a pirates tax on billionaires.  Just a dream to me...  that the right amount went to proper charities, oxfam, doctors without boarders, amnesty international, environmental groups, bringing the unions back to their Woody Guthrie roots.

In my ignorance, 14 years ago John Stewart, the dear man, said something about how I was just reading conspiracy theories...  well, I was seemingly living one, and thought someone would write about it, and got bits and pieces here and there.   But the real game was elsewhere, you were fighting, living underground, and my God all the suffering...  I would have delivered you from had your leaders or whoever merely asked me, rather than believing they understood what my actions were.  

 During the time I spent all those years, looking through conspiracies, and I came back with Operation Bluebeam, but it is much more than I know to this day, and I read everything on the topic, even the obvious disinformation.   There is however enough truth there, the UFO appeared at O hare airport, in o six and is in Wikipedia and my Jesus was brainwashed into my head...  destroying a person they did not know, to create a creature they could not control, a man who did not want to be worshipped, let alone by closed minded people, or religious fanatics.

  I remember the joy of my dream of Jesus coming back and my Joy and imagine that long, complex dream came to me to show me how some of you felt, at first.   God does not waste the most minute of matter.  Your pain will make sense or be gone from your mind altogether, as in my dreams of pre-birth, which haunted me while I was still sleeping in a crib.   I remember not being tall enough to reach the top of the playpen like crib.  Other things piled up over the years, mystical happenings, though I found ways to discount them until there was no way anymore to find room in a scientifically oriented mind to dispel them with anything more than willful ignorance.

Others were terrified.  I was called a Slut once, when forced into being homeless....  I wrote characters on line, that did not really add up to my behavior.   In university, for awhile, at one school, I was in the feminist philosophers crowd, brilliant group, and a lot of Lesbians.  I called myself bi sexual around them, but my interest was always with the women around me.  I was in a relationship when this started and that seemed to be ignored by the media, like I would just leave her.  I had no clue what was going on, other than I was mentally out of it, ending up in emergency wards all the time, hearing the radio talking to me, trying to help me, I thought.  I believe at times they were, people who believed very different than myself, I could have found common ground.\

I thought the last few years you had stopped watching me, wore a smock for two weeks, did not talk to you, etc....  Then Supernatural came through for me, in some ways, but I did not take them seriously...  in some ways, and in others, their criticism of me was rightful, or taught me something.  Most shot over my head.  Odd, just before this last bout of my realizing I am Internationally Famous, I was so depressed, I was wiping my seeping nose on my shirt.  They opened the show with Sam coming down the steps, wiping his nose.  I saw Ackles on tv live one day and he knew I was watching and was nervous.  They went through hell during this perhaps, I don't know how these things work.   I do know their last show seemed to teach me something I needed to know.  And shaped my thoughts, hopefully correctly.  The Boys is what we always called Supernatural, and I like that show as well.

  I am always interested in the myths I sent out to cover the real me, who is slightly embarrassed by being very scientific yet religious.  Taking little on faith, and having been rewarded by miracles and wonder.  And the power of God, the Hand of God, sometimes holding a sword.... sometimes a pen.   Now,  I wish to touch my heart in a gesture of respect and love. My visions led me to love, and ancestor acknowledgment, not worship, and one God who does not care which name is used for a creature to huge to be reduced into words...   who some say spoke only two words directly to humanity, I AM.   This was about all God can get across to humans, and we can feel God, of course, anywhere, anytime, we are lucky enough, or seeking it in Mass or Mosque or Temple.

  I had no idea where my journey would lead to Love for all people, as an ideal that I can achieve by seeing a world of struggling souls, with behavior that I have to confront, because I am one of those people who cannot walk on by.....  , though allowing anger against injustice... this is in my DNA and I act upon it at times.   all our ancestor's at  least.  With the living some will hate the person for their behavior.  I been there.  No one should take the past hatreds in my writings to apply, except for a few.  I do not hate rump.   I hate where he is leading some of my fellow citizens, who are a bit easier to con.  The people a carnie can see a midway off, and gesture them over, get the guy to buy a fifty cent teddy bear for a hundred and fifty bucks worth of whatever game they gave him to play that night.  My prison schooled, pistol carrying, pot selling cab boss, who owned six and they had an old barn for the garage, spent his young, post-prison time as a carnie, tall, dark and handsome, and drunk, he got married upon impregnation.   I digress, and not.  

I wonder do the people who knew me growing up know about my being a star?  Or are their watchers and real players.  I cannot be paranoid enough in life.  Most error the other way... I should have been paranoid from day one, but I did not see nor believe the madness hinted at in the first days of this campaign.  I cannot    at times feel like where this has all lead, to me covered in blood not just spilled others, which I could be self righteous about, or at least know that my I would not have done what you did, and would do whatever I could in the future to stop racism from being another way humans are divided and conquered, while still understanding that a fire in your house needs to be put out.  Like gun deaths in our cities.  There are experts who know many ways to work on the root problems, and solve problems non violently and forever.    To  degree, of course.

The biggest surprise I had during the visions was seeing ancestors of all races and times and recent ones and old ones.   Sparks of light at times, others the forms of humans, depending on what they were conveying, for example, like once a dead man was shamed and sent far away from the elders and those who knew them, a type of shunning.  This was not as bad as the later visions of being in Hell on good friday.    I could explain at length the seeming coincidence involved in getting me a certain bit of information at exactly the right time.  And have been in the best tried, my best, to shine a bright light in darkness from which I rose.  To shine so bright no shadow existed.

Instead I starved myself, to the point where the priest who does mass on television told me I had to eat, and I told him that I was seeking a Holy Vision, and until when it came...   I started believing that I could harness love, from some distant point straight out from my desk, and bring that love, Pure God, into this world, and then use the persons heart, who I would use passerby's, to send love all the way around the world.  I made them a conduit, imagining their hearts passing the love around and I would wait until I could see it go around the world.  I imagined, as many have before me, that sending out good vibes or whatever might help, on some plain misunderstood, unrecognized, and most certainly underestimated might help.  I believe God assembled molecules to be manipulated, on up to hands that produce force are what is important, not the words surrounding it, the politics.  

My journey was effected by being watched and realizing this meant a lot to some people.  I tend to underestimate myself, let alone other people's knowledge, or reactions to me.  But the religion came true, and I would not lie, by then, about spiritual ,matters.  Too many supernatural occurrences were happening around me to be ignored.  Most important, others were reacting to my life in ways I could not anticipate, though I learn.  I did not know before, which is why I am reluctant to return to the written page.  But before, I thought this is what you judged me by, then I discover, No, you are always watched, an international superstar with the stamp of approval of various folk, at various times, to the point where to this day, other than acting by my morals, I have no idea who anyone thinks I work with...  but there are many of you.  Many at times when I was paraded around as some god emperor, or a -porno star...  which is the humiliation it took for me to find out the whole world, everyone in tv, would see into my apartment.  I masterbated to say to the spies, okay, leave me alone because some of my life is x rated.  A last fuck you to the people who made my life hell, I thought...  

I learned quick about the factions then...  I do not wish to tread any further into that swamp, out of fear of stirring up bodies to the surface. ...   and my ignorance is such that even approaching this topic is pointless.

Now is what matters.  In this limited context, to be all post modern.  I keep thinking after that damn simpsons shit, where they tried to smear me, knowing I am against their racist, propaganda thrust, and billionaire, right wing philosophy...  once I trusted them, before I knew different stations had much deeper affiliations than I knew, like NBC, a racist network that pretends to be liberal... there are no liberal racists.  Liberal.  Other rumoured to be this or that...    They made like the very power I had no desire to hold onto when others needed it, or could use it to better the world, for all people, which I tried to give away, was something I coveted.  I know how 'thorny' the whole crown thing can get -- a pun intended, I guess you have to write with literacy being what it is -- mine, the possible readers of these words.

The Simpson episode, told Homer that the nuclear plant was no longer in control.  Benny, the token black guy, is handed over real control of the nukes.  They refer to my stopping another, yes another.... genocide against the blacks.  The people who work with me took action when I learned of this and said, 'If  my commanding officer ordered me to n International commit a crime against humanity, I would kill my superior and assume command.'   This was enough somehow to stop this action.  I am thankful to all of you who made that possible.  During all this I had more power than I wanted, and democracy is everyone having a word in how things are done, without billionaire gateways, or religious fanaticism...   I told you from the start that I would elevate those you looked down on.  And I have.  I want power in the right hands.  All people... I believe strongly however that black brown Asian native americans...  anyone with white privilege needs to back off, mostly, to allow the truths of the working classes to come to light.  life is not a competition.  People make it into one...  and others suffer.  

So the simpsons has homer become a cross walk guard, the orange movements, like extinction rebellion fall under this category...  since homer has lost his power he becomes a cross walk guard, then takes over the town, and federal government comes in to stop him.   Fox and Murdoch are evil, and prefer an aristocracy, as the rich basically have at this point.  The entire idea of Orange is not something I am leading, or wish to.  I merely wish to use what power I have accumulated to help them, as long as they are non-violent.  the simpsons of course were in on this from the start, as was their cartoon line-up.  

As far as me and peace.... general Butler became a scorned peace activist after he exposed war was a racket making money for a few people at the top, for the benefit of the rich.  He spent the last decade of his life giving speeches.  I don't know if I have that long, but my God has kept me alive through too many things that killed everyone else that I know I am in this mortal body for a pre-ordained reason.  I do believe that time is nonexistent.  A construct, or a cocoon, or...  who knows...  not me. 

The simpsons and so much of the tv and movies are absolute cia creations, to create a mentality, a divide and conquer amongst the people, etc.  the extensiveness of this plan is outrageous to me.   

Only now that I know more can I finally settle down into thinking that does not involve fight or fight.... my version of fight or flight.  I know how to avoid fights and do when I am not being attacked or the country is having to deal with a foreign country with enough power to take a president out  of the white house.  I quite intentionally destroyed the power I had accumulated, as much as possible.  I could never trust the movement I had dreamt of, a peaceful movement shutting down this country, putting pressure on big business, and many other things.  I never contemplated violent revolution, anymore than I contemplated being worshipped.  By hiding from me what was truly happening, the us and whoever was in charge, made a mistake that will echo throughout all the known.  they failed.  their fate is up to a higher power than me.  i could give a shit about revenge.  Certain people still irritate me from that era, though i feel great sorrow for most.  the tv and movie stars i slam are metaphors.  i am glad home alone boy is okay, though i remember that look of hate on his face, and thought about the racism of the dogs, and hoped he was killed over it...  at the time.   I still have little idea what cats and dogs are.

Recently, I saw a group of activities throwing a can of tomato soup on a van gogh of wild flowers.  This triggered in me my original dreams, the reason I started all this, which was to protect the environment.  I became lost in the maze, lied to at every turn.   I did not trust those who were my 'friends' or helpers and soldiers for a bit, though I believe they did a good turn for their country, I have no way of knowing...  then words spoken unthinkingly, took on a new meaning....   I do not wish to go to war with anyone ever again.  Not my choice.  

Now  I pray my condition is being met, that Orange will remain non violent, and a friend of the police.  Seeing them in the larger context, they are not enemies, and fighting them will do the movement harm, not good.  I always said the cops needed to be on the strikers.  I said they are union when people asked why I supported them.  I did not realize, again, there were groups.  Now, though, the Orange and Blue can work together, to keep marches peaceful, and bring out the kind of crowds that feel safe with their babies in carriages.   A time to work together to organize, and work  together to vote in democrats, who can at least be evolved into a party that will tax the rich...  not to mention, as reverend, I am appalled by how the republicans went around to evangelical churches and got their vote, in private meetings with the star himself, the man who would get rid of abortion, or get them a private jet, whatever they wanted he would promise it, like jailing that Hillary...

The visions took a change when my hatred for bob dylan, who wrote a few songs slamming me for something that I was finding out about in the song.  The intelligence agencies and their games is how it hit me.  Blamed again over a cult I knew next to nothing about, and a church I disbanded the day I found out about it.  I said not to worship me.  BUT A CLICHE Jesus had been shoved into your head.  You expected biblical catastrophes while you ignored the Greenhouse effect, bringing on the end of the world, while blaming the whole thing on God, and how he was coming for a select few, depending on which religious  box you check for your drivers license ID.

I will return to these visions, write them out narratively in order...  as much as I can remember them that way.... the highlights were amazing at the time, though almost too much is lost in the translation to repeat however much I will try to describe my actions.  God never spoke to me during this period, told me what to do, etc...  I reacted to what was thrown at me with a gut reaction, and mine are moral, and seek Justice those few times in life it is possible, and worth the bother....   mostly I wish to end conflict.   My visions surprised the bejeezus out of me when Ancestors began arriving.   First,  I saw the people, as sparks, all over the planet, when I realized they were ancestors, then, after some interaction between us, and my experiencing more feelings like I knew people from past lives, of course the famous people I was being exposed to....  parables, metaphors, allegories.  Or not...  in my cosmology I believe my God revealed these things to me after much searching, self sacrifice, brokenness and a need to crawl across a few miles of glass before I would stand again, humbled and hardened and bleeding from a thousand cuts, that would have killed any creature on the planet except I.  This creature God smiles upon me, knows I would allow no one else to go through this pain, or trust with your might upon this planet, where power leads so many astray, chaining them forever to the material, not even developing the portions of their brain that grow by cultivating religion...    I feel undeserving, always, before the Creator's might... though I also do not believe he would give me awesome powers for the purposes of wars.  I have proven that wars I fight in win when the purpose is true to God, and the Golden Rule -- once I would have said, The Golden Rule, from a caress to a kill, and lived that a few times, on a scale kept from me, though I am told immense,  a few numbers in the piles that represent all who died during my life, in this vortex of mine.

Seventeen years ago I told you, I am in a circle, and all who come at me will end up dead bodies around me... and the pile will grow so high, that I look up and see only a bit of the blue sky above the rotting bodies stacked around me.   This has come true. 

 I had no idea how my words were being used by churches and countries and...  whomever was involved in this grand plan, where they scrambled my mind, the one I worked on all my life to enrich my creativity and learning and self growth, and implanted a Holy Man, who may have been there anyways...  an event that displeased God, as I have told you mistreating me will, and that you will pay regardless of my prayers, often in this life.  You claim to have cut off my wings, and the year of radioactivity makes sense in this context, when I was five, and came out with scars on my shoulder blades, but none in my lower back, where the problem was.  I know you have heard this so many times over the years, but I write what I doubt though kind of believe..  Though it does not matter, like any of the spiritual writing in thie blog, on one level, and that is that I remain fact based, and science is guide most of the time.